A powerful way to listen to your partner is to empathize. You will go a long way with this skill. Do you remember how it felt when someone empathized with you? How much it calmed you down and gave you a deep sense of relief that someone actually heard you?
Now you can give this gift to your partner.
I say gift because empathy is not commonly used between distressed couples. There is a lot of blaming and finger-pointing, but not a lot of listening and understanding.
So what is empathy? It’s being able to experience what your partner is going through. Some people say it’s like putting yourself in the other’s shoes. It’s not intellectual understanding; it’s when you emotionally and viscerally “get” your partner. You know you are empathizing when your partner gets emotional relief and calms down.
So see if you can empathize with your partner this week, and note the response and feedback you get. You might find that empathizing is the gift that gives back!
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