You might notice that once you begin to be curious about your partner’s thoughts, feelings, reactions, etc., you feel more calm. Your reactions die down and you can relax. As you step out of the dynamic between you, you can become a witness to your partner’s experience.
And how can you stay calm?
*Remind yourself that you do not own the problem. Your partner is speaking about himself, what happens to him when this issue comes up. It’s really not about you. You may have been part of creating the issue, but your partner’s reaction to it is solely his.
*Focus on your breath. Follow each inhale and exhale. Count to 10. It’s important to keep yourself grounded so that you don’t react.
*Tell yourself that your job is to manage your own reactions. You can choose to stay calm. You don’t have to take what she says personally. Remember, she is a separate person with her own feelings, thoughts, perceptions and personality.
An impossible task? I encourage you to give it a try, and let me know how it goes. You can reply by clicking on the no comment link above.
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